Relationships - The Mizaan https://themizaan.com Tue, 21 May 2024 14:41:42 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.0 https://themizaan.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/cropped-logo-the-mizaan-1-32x32.png Relationships - The Mizaan https://themizaan.com 32 32 Calming Advice for The One Who Thinks Too Much https://themizaan.com/2023/02/23/advice-for-the-overthinker/ https://themizaan.com/2023/02/23/advice-for-the-overthinker/#comments Thu, 23 Feb 2023 19:14:23 +0000 https://themizaan.com/?p=918 You don't need to drown yourself in your own thoughts. Here's how you can avoid that.

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Advice for the Overthinker

Photo by Thugbong via Unsplash

What are the things you tend to overthink about? How does that impact your life?

I am definitely an over thinker myself and I really want to make it a goal to improve that: indeed, there is a line between being conscientious or caring and overthink everything to the point you are just unhappy with yourself, and I don’t think anyone deserves to drown in their own thoughts. As usual, it is about finding the right balance and I hope we can all help ourselves with these tips!


1. Take a deep breath and say Astaghfirullah 

Ibn Taymiyyah (RA) said “The strength of the heart returns when one repents”. Make sure to breath deeply to calm yourself and release everything that is worrying you, all by asking Allah (swt) for forgiveness when you exhale. 

2. Build a positive mindset & tawakkul

It all comes down to Sheytan and your nafs, so by trusting Allah (swt) blindly, you will be certain that the outcome will always be good, will stop “what ifs” or negative thoughts from constantly invading your brain and you will feel more at peace.

The strength of the heart returns when one repents”

Ibn Taymiyyah​

3. Do your best and leave the rest to Allah

Regrets are what makes one overwhelmed by worries and questions. However, if you make it a point to always do your best as well as rely on the Qadr of Allah, then everything that doesn’t go as you expected will be welcomed as a lesson of humility & a chance to learn and improve.

4. Focus on your salah

Al Hasan Al Basri (ra) said “As much as you fix your salat, your life will be fixed”. We tend to forget that although it is an obligation, it should never be done mechanically. Question the way you do it, take it as an opportunity to meditate and tell everything to our Creator. 

As much as you fix your salat, your life will be fixed.

Al Hasan Al Basri

5. Take care of yourself

Chances are you’ve been neglecting yourself and let all these thoughts take control over your life. If so, it is time to do something that brings you comfort, to be more compassionate, to take action, to ask for help… Just take a step back and love yourself.

 

More food for thoughts

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]]> https://themizaan.com/2023/02/23/advice-for-the-overthinker/feed/ 1 Why are Pre-marital relationships forbidden if they feel so great? https://themizaan.com/2022/09/29/why-are-pre-marital-relationships-forbidden/ https://themizaan.com/2022/09/29/why-are-pre-marital-relationships-forbidden/#comments Thu, 29 Sep 2022 08:40:25 +0000 https://themizaan.com/?p=768 Let's understand why something that feels "so right" is actually far from bringing you any good.

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How I've been building self confidence

Why are Pre-marital relationships forbidden if they feel so great?

Love & Islam

Photo by Nathan Dumlao via Unsplash

Let’s admit it: not acting upon our feelings and desires is hard, not only because of our nature, but also because of how influenced by the western world we are, whether it comes to beauty standards, life enjoyment and of course, relationships. 

Having a better understanding of why pre-marital relationships are forbidden and realising it doesn’t mean you cannot feel the way you do towards someone sometimes is key to embrace what is probably one the most challenging commands sent to us. Islam teaches us a sense of self-control, loyalty and commitment and these values, which are often mocked or misunderstood, are in fact a way of building character and faith.

 

1. Have respect for Allah & yourself

 

Expectations being shattered, losing sight of who you are and feeling guilty for having disobeyed Allah (swt) for someone you won’t be spending your life with… A heartbreak or a moment of fun often has terrible consequences on your self confidence and on your relationship with Him. 

Don’t do this to yourself, it’s not worth it. Instead, remember you don’t know better than Him and embrace the beauty of being intimate with the one person He chose for you. Believe me: you’ll heal from losing a man, but never from losing your Creator.

A moment of pleasure is not worth an eternity of regret.

2. It’s never just the two of you

 

People like to say “I know my limits” or “it doesn’t mean we’ll have sex” but Let’s be real: if you like someone and find yourself alone with them, the temptation will be high.. Don’t think risk anything thinking you’ll be able to resist temptation and not commit Zina because some were able to and ended getting married. Don’t overestimate your imaan nor underestimate Shaytan, because he will be the third one there, pushing you to make the most of the moment, whispering to listen to your burning desire and cease the opportunity to just let go of self control for once. 

Be strong, remind yourself that Allah (swt) is watching, and He is the one we should be listening to.

 

"Behold! A man is not alone with a woman but the third of them is Shaytan." (At Tirmidhi, 2165)

3. You cannot change a person

 

Don’t go into a relationship thinking “Maybe he’ll want to change for me”, “maybe I’ll inspire him to be a better muslim/to convert”, “maybe I’ll make him want to marry me” – no, beside the fact it is an unhealthy way of building a relationship, Allah (swt) guides whoever he pleases and knows best. What if you end up being the one who changes? What if you’re the one being led astray? Be humble and accept you simply cannot have control over everything. If he wants and Allah (swt) wants him to change, he will. 

One thing you can do though is making lots of dua’a : if you’re meant to be with this person you will, if not, then it is best for you. Ask Allah (swt) during salat istikhara to give you the answers you need.

 

“Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.”
[13:11]

4. Your first love should always be Allah
 
Being in love and wanting to be with that person can be incredibly frustrating as you might not see or comprehend what is wrong about it. Indeed, how could that possibly be bad when it is such a beautiful thing? Why should we preserve ourselves for marriage when even this is not guaranteed to last? 
 
You need to remember that Allah knows best and if you loved and trusted Him enough, you wouldn’t question His commands at all. These sacrifices might hurt at first, but Subhan’Allah, you will never regret making them. The more you want to please Him, the bigger His reward is, both in this dunya and in the Akhirah. 
 
5. But you can fall in love
 
At the end of the day, we’re human and some people just swipe you off your feet, are special to you. Don’t beat yourself up for it ! In addition to praying, reassure and remind yourself of the benefits and reward of doing the things the right way. Yes, you can fall for someone, but if they don’t bring out the best in you, if they don’t want to do things the halal way, they’re simply not the one for you. I mean, would you really want to spend your life with someone that doesn’t make du’as for you, that doesn’t want to please His Lord and benefit from all His barakah in your relationship? It’s easy to get blinded by our feelings, so make sure that as soon as you start to have them, you keep nurturing your imaan and remain close to the One who matters the most so you’ll have sabr and tawakkul, whatever the outcome of this new love is.

“And of His Signs is that He has created mates for you from your own kind. That you may find peace in them and He has set between you love and mercy. Surely there are Signs in this for those who reflect.” [30:21]

I hope you find these helpful! I want to add that this post does not aim to make anyone feel guilty, and it’s actually quite the opposite: first, know that this is simply a kind and educational reminder for those who have been tormented by this but have not acted upon it. 
 
I’ll write another post for those of you who have committed this sin and have been feeling guilty about it, but please remember this in the mean time: everything was written already. Your guilt, or even the fact you don’t feel guilty about what you did/are doing, are signs of faith, because otherwise, you wouldn’t even be thinking about it. And know that Allah is the most Forgiving and the All Knowing. 

Take care of yourself sisters 🤍

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