Reflections - The Mizaan

Calming Advice for The One Who Thinks Too Much

Assia — Thu, 23 Feb 2023 19:14:23 +0000

Advice for the Overthinker

February 23, 2023

What are the things you tend to overthink about? How does that impact your life?

I am definitely an over thinker myself and I really want to make it a goal to improve that: indeed, there is a line between being conscientious or caring and overthink everything to the point you are just unhappy with yourself, and I don’t think anyone deserves to drown in their own thoughts. As usual, it is about finding the right balance and I hope we can all help ourselves with these tips!

1. Take a deep breath and say Astaghfirullah

Ibn Taymiyyah (RA) said “The strength of the heart returns when one repents”. Make sure to breath deeply to calm yourself and release everything that is worrying you, all by asking Allah (swt) for forgiveness when you exhale.

2. Build a positive mindset & tawakkul

It all comes down to Sheytan and your nafs, so by trusting Allah (swt) blindly, you will be certain that the outcome will always be good, will stop “what ifs” or negative thoughts from constantly invading your brain and you will feel more at peace.

The strength of the heart returns when one repents”

Ibn Taymiyyah

3. Do your best and leave the rest to Allah

Regrets are what makes one overwhelmed by worries and questions. However, if you make it a point to always do your best as well as rely on the Qadr of Allah, then everything that doesn’t go as you expected will be welcomed as a lesson of humility & a chance to learn and improve.

4. Focus on your salah

Al Hasan Al Basri (ra) said “As much as you fix your salat, your life will be fixed”. We tend to forget that although it is an obligation, it should never be done mechanically. Question the way you do it, take it as an opportunity to meditate and tell everything to our Creator.

As much as you fix your salat, your life will be fixed.

Al Hasan Al Basri

5. Take care of yourself

Chances are you’ve been neglecting yourself and let all these thoughts take control over your life. If so, it is time to do something that brings you comfort, to be more compassionate, to take action, to ask for help… Just take a step back and love yourself.

More food for thoughts

5 Practical Tips to Finally Balance Deen and Dunya

How to live a Mindful Life as a Muslim

Calming Advice for The One Who Thinks Too Much

The post Calming Advice for The One Who Thinks Too Much first appeared on The Mizaan.

We can Become Better as an Ummah, Here’s How

Assia — Fri, 30 Sep 2022 00:00:00 +0000

How I've been building self confidence

We can Become Better as an Ummah, Here’s How

September 30, 2022

Photo by Thirdman via Pexels

One of the most beautiful things the account showed me is how Islam transcends everything: wherever you are in the world, whatever your ethnicity is, as long as you truly love your deen and understand it, you’ll always connect with people and see them as your brothers and sisters.

Unfortunately, many of us have fallen into the trap of individualism, largely influenced by the western world which too often declares Islam is outdated, but also, into the influence of social media where many share their own version of what Islam is about.

I’m a firm believer that as much as we will indeed be alone on the Day of Judgement, we should make a conscious effort to come together and strengthen our Ummah. Here are 3 ways to do so:

1. Stop judging or assuming

“See this girl? She slept with a guy who isn’t her husband and calls herself muslim…”, “That person is a fake muslim”… A few examples of things we should not be saying and that are highly condemned in Islam. Backbiting and gossiping are truly diseases of the heart and while we have normalized these practises, it is essential to avoid doing it at all cost.

Keep in mind that we all sin, do not disregard a person based on actions of the lack of it, especially considering we might not know the good deeds they do and don’t show, the guilt they feel, and whether they repented or not.

Likewise, you need to be careful with assuming imams, hijabis, and other people who seem close to their deen are irreproachable: you might take inspiration from them, but do not assume they’re perfect because only our Creator is and it will add pressure on them when they might also struggle with their deen.

"O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when dead? You would detest it. And fear Allah; indeed, Allah is Accepting of repentance and Merciful." [49:12]

2. Learn and make kind reminders

When someone exposes a sin, it is your duty as a Muslim to remind them what Allah (swt) expects from us if you are aware of it. However, there is a proper way to do it, which does not involve anger, contempt or guilt, as you should not expect them to obey you.

Be careful with the words you use and make sure to either quote the Quran or what our Prophet (saws) said/would have done. If the person takes it badly anyway or starts to point at your sins and how you shouldn’t be giving lessons, tell them you’re open to improvement and learning too, and that it is up to them to accept the advice or not. Again, we were created as failing creatures, we all sin – but it doesn’t mean we aren’t aware of the Right Path and able to remind the people we care about.

Being kind and caring towards each other as well as making sure we educate ourselves and others is key to be better muslims.

"The Prophet (saws) said: The believer is the believer's mirror, and the believer is the believer's brother who guards him against loss and protects him when he is absent." Abu Dawud

3. Support and make duas

If you see or hear about a Muslim being in need, feeling lost or lonely, offer your help, advice or at least make a du’a for them.

It is in these moments that one may lose sight of what Islam is about and stop trusting Allah (swt). Knowing that you are not alone, that others have been through similar hardships and motivating each other to learn more will ultimately lead you to grow closer to your deen, constantly wanting to improve and rebuild the Ummah our beloved Prophet (saws) expected from us!

We might sometimes be disappointed by the behavior of some, disagree with their approach to Islam, but it is so important to stick together and remember that Allah (swt) does not want us to be divided or navigating this life all by ourselves. That’s probably why He insisted so much on taking care of our parents, finding righteous partners, educating kids and helping others: we go fast on our own, but we go further together.

Hold firmly to the rope of Allah all together and do not become divided. Remember the favor of Allah upon you, when you were enemies and he brought your hearts together and you became brothers by his favor. [3:103]

The post We can Become Better as an Ummah, Here’s How first appeared on The Mizaan.

Why are Pre-marital relationships forbidden if they feel so great?

Assia — Thu, 29 Sep 2022 08:40:25 +0000

How I've been building self confidence

Why are Pre-marital relationships forbidden if they feel so great?

September 29, 2022

Photo by Nathan Dumlao via Unsplash

Let’s admit it: not acting upon our feelings and desires is hard, not only because of our nature, but also because of how influenced by the western world we are, whether it comes to beauty standards, life enjoyment and of course, relationships.

Having a better understanding of why pre-marital relationships are forbidden and realising it doesn’t mean you cannot feel the way you do towards someone sometimes is key to embrace what is probably one the most challenging commands sent to us. Islam teaches us a sense of self-control, loyalty and commitment and these values, which are often mocked or misunderstood, are in fact a way of building character and faith.

1. Have respect for Allah & yourself

Expectations being shattered, losing sight of who you are and feeling guilty for having disobeyed Allah (swt) for someone you won’t be spending your life with… A heartbreak or a moment of fun often has terrible consequences on your self confidence and on your relationship with Him.

Don’t do this to yourself, it’s not worth it. Instead, remember you don’t know better than Him and embrace the beauty of being intimate with the one person He chose for you. Believe me: you’ll heal from losing a man, but never from losing your Creator.

A moment of pleasure is not worth an eternity of regret.

2. It’s never just the two of you

People like to say “I know my limits” or “it doesn’t mean we’ll have sex” but Let’s be real: if you like someone and find yourself alone with them, the temptation will be high.. Don’t think risk anything thinking you’ll be able to resist temptation and not commit Zina because some were able to and ended getting married. Don’t overestimate your imaan nor underestimate Shaytan, because he will be the third one there, pushing you to make the most of the moment, whispering to listen to your burning desire and cease the opportunity to just let go of self control for once.

Be strong, remind yourself that Allah (swt) is watching, and He is the one we should be listening to.

"Behold! A man is not alone with a woman but the third of them is Shaytan." (At Tirmidhi, 2165)

3. You cannot change a person

Don’t go into a relationship thinking “Maybe he’ll want to change for me”, “maybe I’ll inspire him to be a better muslim/to convert”, “maybe I’ll make him want to marry me” – no, beside the fact it is an unhealthy way of building a relationship, Allah (swt) guides whoever he pleases and knows best. What if you end up being the one who changes? What if you’re the one being led astray? Be humble and accept you simply cannot have control over everything. If he wants and Allah (swt) wants him to change, he will.

One thing you can do though is making lots of dua’a : if you’re meant to be with this person you will, if not, then it is best for you. Ask Allah (swt) during salat istikhara to give you the answers you need.

“Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.”
[13:11]

4. Your first love should always be Allah

Being in love and wanting to be with that person can be incredibly frustrating as you might not see or comprehend what is wrong about it. Indeed, how could that possibly be bad when it is such a beautiful thing? Why should we preserve ourselves for marriage when even this is not guaranteed to last?

You need to remember that Allah knows best and if you loved and trusted Him enough, you wouldn’t question His commands at all. These sacrifices might hurt at first, but Subhan’Allah, you will never regret making them. The more you want to please Him, the bigger His reward is, both in this dunya and in the Akhirah.

5. But you can fall in love

At the end of the day, we’re human and some people just swipe you off your feet, are special to you. Don’t beat yourself up for it ! In addition to praying, reassure and remind yourself of the benefits and reward of doing the things the right way. Yes, you can fall for someone, but if they don’t bring out the best in you, if they don’t want to do things the halal way, they’re simply not the one for you. I mean, would you really want to spend your life with someone that doesn’t make du’as for you, that doesn’t want to please His Lord and benefit from all His barakah in your relationship? It’s easy to get blinded by our feelings, so make sure that as soon as you start to have them, you keep nurturing your imaan and remain close to the One who matters the most so you’ll have sabr and tawakkul, whatever the outcome of this new love is.

“And of His Signs is that He has created mates for you from your own kind. That you may find peace in them and He has set between you love and mercy. Surely there are Signs in this for those who reflect.” [30:21]

I hope you find these helpful! I want to add that this post does not aim to make anyone feel guilty, and it’s actually quite the opposite: first, know that this is simply a kind and educational reminder for those who have been tormented by this but have not acted upon it.

I’ll write another post for those of you who have committed this sin and have been feeling guilty about it, but please remember this in the mean time: everything was written already. Your guilt, or even the fact you don’t feel guilty about what you did/are doing, are signs of faith, because otherwise, you wouldn’t even be thinking about it. And know that Allah is the most Forgiving and the All Knowing.

Take care of yourself sisters

The post Why are Pre-marital relationships forbidden if they feel so great? first appeared on The Mizaan.

Surah An-Nur will change you in the Best Ways

Assia — Thu, 08 Apr 2021 11:45:43 +0000

Lessons from Surat An-Nur

April 8, 2021

Surat An-Nur is one I very often come back to: it not only has all the lessons and rules of conduct we should have in mind and follow as Muslims but also has some the most powerful metaphors in the Qur’an, illustrating the Greatness of Allah SWT but also, how dark the path of not following Him is and will be.

Here are three main topics and lessons to take from An-Nur:

1. What good behaviour is about

Whether it comes to alerting and being complete just in the face of zina/adultery, how detrimental gossiping and backbiting are or how we need to question ourselves so we do not fall into hypocrisy in regards to faith, we can definitely tell that moral is a central part of the surat. However, the rules of conducts extend to how we should behave in society and encompass every kind of people: women of all age, the poor, the sick, the businessman, the host… Overall, it clearly highlights the importance of respect in Islam.

When you received it with your tongues and said with your mouths that of which you had no knowledge and thought it was insignificant while it was, in the sight of Allah , tremendous. And why, when you heard it, did you not say, "It is not for us to speak of this. Exalted are You, [O Allah ]; this is a great slander"?
[24:15-16]

2. How Islam thoroughly protects women

I will be completely honest here: one of the things that frustrates me the most is when someone describes Islam as oppressive and misogynist, and even more so from people that are part of our community but unfortunately were always forced into things without receiving the right education. Surat An-Nur shows how Islam truly values women and how Allah SWT sent us orders to make sure we preserve our purity, both from our end and on the opposite sex’s. In addition to being the surat that states the obligation of wearing hijab as a woman [24:31], it mentions the obligations for men to lower their gaze, to gather not one, two, three but four witnesses if they accuse their wives of fornicating, and even declares that anyone who accuses falsely a chaste woman will be cursed forever. Talk about not protecting women huh?

Indeed, those who [falsely] accuse chaste, unaware and believing women are cursed in this world and the Hereafter; and they will have a great punishment [24:23]

3. How bright Allah (swt)’s guidance is

As aforementioned, An-Nur has some of the most impactful verses in the Qur’an, which not only sound beautiful but are also very thought-provoking. As many other chapters, it offers a variety of reminders on His ever everlasting Forgiveness when we sincerely repent, on how He truly brings light into the darkness of our lives, hearts and souls but also make sure to warn us on how disobeying Him lead to our loss. This is done by both scaring us with lively punishments, but also through the usage of metaphors and comparisons that undeniably speak to us when describing people not following His path, and that I personally find even more worrying (can you imagine being lost and delusional in a desert or drowning under the waves without ever being able to raise the surface…? – [24:39-40]). Through the tone of the surah, I immediately knew it was Medinan, which aimed to set the foundations of Islam for the new communities Prophet Muhammad ﷺ met when he arrived in Medina and tend to focus less on the attributes of our Creator. Still, I think we can truly perceive how Merciful He is and how, although it does bring a bit of anxiety at the thought of ignoring His messages, He made it easy for us to follow and come back to Him.

The only statement of the [true] believers when they are called to Allah and His Messenger to judge between them is that they say, "We hear and we obey." And those are the successful. [24:51]

In a nutshell, An-Nur is a wonderful life reminder on many levels: taking time to remind ourselves not only about the incredible qualities of our Creator but also about how detrimental for us it is to not embrace His spiritual and moral commands allow us to reset and, Subhan’Allah, see His light again.

The post Surah An-Nur will change you in the Best Ways first appeared on The Mizaan.

Powerful Lessons from Surat Yusuf that will warm your Heart

Assia — Sat, 27 Mar 2021 00:49:39 +0000

Lessons from Surah Yusuf

Here we are: the first two online sessions discussing Surat Yusuf, the first one of our Qur’an challenge in preparation for Ramadan, took place yesterday and went incredibly well Alhamdulillah! Having this kind of space and time to connect and meditate on the Holy Book is not only an incredible opportunity to come together as muslims, but also a beautiful sign of Allah Subhanu wa Ta’ala’s guidance.

While this exercise does not replace Tafsir or the work of scholars in any way, it still allows to take a dive into the wonder that is the Qur’an, build a bond with it and open your heart to the messages our Creator wanted us to get from it. Here are a few teachings we were able to discuss and take from reflecting upon the surah.

1. It is our hearts that get blind, not our eyes

Our egos lead us to be focussed on this dunya and Sheytan really makes the most of this, whether it is through envy and jealousy, through temptation and desire or through lying because we care more about what people will think more than Allah SWT. While Yaqub (AS) lost his sight and went through the terrible hardship of losing his son, he never forgot about patience and trust in his Creator. On the other hand, Yusuf’s (AS) brothers and the wife of his master were blinded by their jealousy and desire. But the ego is a disease of the heart and when you take a step back, you realize that 1. What you envy/desire (beauty, wealth…) might not make the other person happy (and might even be a test from Allah SWT for them) and 2. That the closer you are to your Creator, the less likely you are to be biased by all of this. The quote that you see on the image is an analogy I used during the second session. I thought it was a really easy way to picture how the ego (and of course, the influence of Sheytan) can leave us astray.

"And I do not acquit myself. Indeed, the soul is a persistent enjoiner of evil, except those upon which my Lord has mercy."
[12:53]

2. Be careful, even with your closest ones

Unfortunately, faith, love and kindness do not always win in this dunya. The surat shows we can get attached to things like being our parents’ favorite or to people’s looks, leading to act crazy and far from what Allah SWT asked from us. Therefore, you should be careful to what you expose, because as much as people should behave, we should also not be a source of temptation or envy. This point, added to the previous, are lessons that are very much applicable to today’s social media: with people exposing their beauty and wealth, the followers (including friends and family) can easily start comparing, judging and being blinded by their ego/Sheytan, even if the initial intention was not bad.

3. Despite their special “status”, the prophets were humans too

Yusuf (AS) felt desire and would have committed zina if he didn’t have faith in Allah SWT. Yaqub (AS) knew what his sons did, was heartbroken about losing Yusuf (AS), yet still forgave them. Yes, they are prophets and ultimately they will hold on to their faith better than we ever will. But they still have weaknesses, they still learn through the hardships and overcame their tests thank to their trust in Him. While Allah SWT sent many surat about His qualities, He also sent us (and Prophet Muhammad – SAWS) stories of “normal” beings for us to relate, reflect and learn.

"There was certainly in their stories a lesson for those of understanding."
[12:111]

4. Tawakkul, forgiveness and sabr are the key to embrace the Qadr of Allah (swt)

Losing a child, being disliked and betrayed by your family, being punished when you’re innocent, losing your sight… These are terrible hardships that make us feel incredibly miserable and could easily make us resentful towards our Creator. However through them all, the prophets were always patient and trusted Allah SWT with His plan.

"Rather, your souls have enticed you to something, so patience is most fitting. And Allah is the one sought for help against that which you describe."
[12:18]

What I think is amazing about this surah is how it completely highlights how inherently weak we are as humans yet are able to become stronger and purify our hearts and souls by always going back to our Creator. So clean your heart by reading the Qur’an and making good deeds. Polish it by increasing your knowledge and detaching yourself from this worldly life. And remember that as long as you keep taking care of your heart, you will never be blinded and lose the right path.

The post Powerful Lessons from Surat Yusuf that will warm your Heart first appeared on The Mizaan.